Thursday, August 22, 2013

Busy Busy

Today I signed the official documents that will release my adoption information to me, if my birth parents are found and consent. Kinda a big deal, I guess. I never really thought I'd be doing this. It's not something I've always thought about. But, I'm glad I'm doing it now. Might as well try! Also, my sister was approved to go on the trip with me so I'm relieved about that- they are even letting her room with me. It will be nice to have some support while there. 

The boys and I have been sick for the past week so it's been tough keeping up with life's daily demands and everything has basically been put on hold, but slowly we are reemerging back to our old lifestyle. I sure miss seeing friends and going to the gym!! T has been so helpful and supportive and has really kept this house running. I can't be more thankful to have him as a husband. 

This next week is busy getting everything in order for the two weeks I'll be gone. Today the boys met the woman who will be watching them the first week. They seemed to like her and everyone got along, so that's something I can be less anxious about. I called my bank and the credit card companies to notify them of the trip and make sure my cards will work when there. I also reserved my cell phone for when I'm there...number to come soon. I ordered some photo gifts for family if we are reunited. Got some really comfortable walking shoes, new socks, and a dual voltage hair straightener. But I still have a ton more things to get in order before I can even start getting excited about the trip. Every day from here on out there is much to do- we just need to feel better!!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Flight is booked!


Reality is setting in...this trip is actually going to happen! Getting excited...

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

This is actually happening!

I got the email on Monday morning- I was selected to participate in this year's First Trip Home program!
So many things are running through my head: figuring out my flight, logistics for who's going to take care of the boys, doctor appointments, checklists, packing lists.....and oh yeah, I'm going to KOREA! This whole thing just kind of materialized in the past three weeks and here I am now, moving mountains to be able to do this trip in September. I am so grateful to my husband, T, for supporting me in this and enabling me to actually be able to do it!! I feel lucky, grateful, anxious, nervous, excited...more details to come!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

The Phone Call

Since I submitted the application on July 25, I've been eagerly awaiting any news. The original information said I should hear on Friday, August 2 but Friday came and went and I heard nothing. Tonight, I got a phone call! They asked me a few questions about my expectations for the trip, if I knew anyone who had gone on this trip in the past or any adoptees who had found their families, if I had a support system in place upon my return, and told me about the formalities involved with being chosen.

The most interesting part of the phone call was that they were also interested in my brother possibly going on the trip with me. If he was able to gather his documents and email them by tomorrow, they could consider him as well.

I asked how many slots were available (20; 10 for Europe/Australia and 10 for USA) and how many people applied (22 applicants from USA). My odds aren't bad; 10/22...45%? The interviewer mentioned that not all of those were from Busan either, which slightly increases my odds. I should hear back from them before the end of day tomorrow...going to bed hopeful.

The Application...and the meaning of the title of my blog

The application came together quicker than I imagined. My mother was able to send me a ton of documents that were really helpful. I also owe major thanks to my sister for helping me with the rest of the application.
Here's some of my background information that I included in the application.

Relinquishment DetailsAccording to my background information, I was relinquished by my natural mother (who was 36 years old at the time). I have at least three older step siblings (even though the documents say two, it is noted in other places that my biological mother had two sons and a daughter in her previous 18-year marriage, before she was widowed approximately 10 years prior to my birth). My biological mother and biological father were unmarried, and had no intention of raising me, as I was an unwanted, unexpected baby. My biological father (who was 30 years old) was a boilerman at the time of my birth.

Search Effort HistoryI was introduced to G.O.A.’L about four years ago, when I was living and working in New York City. I signed up on the website to receive emails, and in 2010 I began correspondence with [---] about starting my birth family search. Unfortunately, I did not get very far in the process before I ended up moving out of New York City to start a family, and I had to place the search on hold. As far as physical traits, I do not have any birthmarks or scars, although I did have a small Mongolian spot on my back and I have a freckle on my left eyelid. I reached the average standard in height and weight for my age. Since I was adopted so young, I do not have any memories but I do know that I was born in a maternity clinic, and my mother did not have any diseases nor took any medicine during her pregnancy. I was kept at a foster home located approximately “40 minutes by bus” from the Busan Branch Office of Holt Children’s Services. The foster mother had been taking care of Holt’s babies for four years prior to her time with me.

And finally, my essay. The prompt was, "What motivates you to apply for this trip?" Thanks again to my sister, C, for her immense help.

As I put my youngest son, E, to bed, I read him a book, sing him a song, and watch his eyes close, his breathing steady, then quietly shut the door. I cannot believe how sweet one can be at only nineteen months old. I go to my almost four year old son T’s bedroom, to say goodnight, tell him a story and teach him something- our bedtime routine. With both boys asleep, I enjoy the quiet that fills up the house, a quiet that says everything is okay, that another day was well spent as a stay-at-home mother of two beautiful boys. I touch my belly, pregnant with our third child, and even though we still have a few months before we can learn the gender, I dream that it’s a girl. Downstairs I clean up the living room, the cushions and blankets having become a fort from when my brother’s three children came over as they often do. As I put things back into place, I think about this application. About why at 30, as happy as I am with both the family I was raised in and the family I now have with my husband, why do I want to go back to a country I don’t remember and find a family I have no memory of?

Normally I wouldn’t even consider leaving my family for that long, but as soon as I find out about this program I can’t help myself, I keep thinking about it, and I discover that going to Korea with the possibility of meeting my birth family is worth moving mountains for. I put things in motion, my husband is in full support of me going, my Mom will take care of the kids for at least a week, my sister could fly in from Los Angeles to help out- somehow everything will come together.


I sit down and look at my baby photos and the documents that my mom has sent over that tell a small portion of my story, of the family I never got to know in Korea. I have no idea what my birth mother looks like or if my three half-siblings look like me. Do we share any mannerisms, features, the same laugh? And what about my birth father? They had me out of wedlock and made the decision to give me up so I’d have a better life. I’m overwhelmed with how thankful I am that I don’t have to make a fateful decision like that, to give up one of my children. I love both of my sons more than I thought was possible to love. It would break my heart to lose a child but if I had to give one up for adoption, I know I would think about them for the rest of my life. I would want to know how they were, hoping that they were being raised by a loving family, that they had everything they needed, and were happy and healthy. I would pray that I made the right decision, and they indeed were living a better life.


My children are half Korean, one-eighth German, one-eighth Irish, and a quarter Lithuanian. But they do not know anything about their largest portion of genealogy. As they grow, I want to be able to tell them about their heritage, where I come from, and their relatives back in Korea. Of course, I can tell them what it was like for me growing up in Pennsylvania, with my Irish-Italian mother and Italian-Greek father, my two adopted siblings (who are also from Korea, related to each other but not to me), and our plethora of Golden Retrievers, but there’s a big piece missing from my cultural heritage and history. I am extremely close to my sister, who I lived with in New York City, and my brother, who I now live only a mile away from; we are raising our five collective children together practically every day. I can tell them about how I met their father in preschool, and we experienced our First Holy Communion together, went on our first date, danced at both high school proms, and all about our life together after college and beyond. But I want them to have a deeper understanding of their Korean heritage, past the kimchi and japchae that I make on a monthly basis.

A few years ago a friend explained my birth name, Han Bo Reum to me. She said that literally the string of last name plus first name means “one spring” but colloquially it means “once upon a time in spring” and that she believed my mother put a lot of thought and care into my name. Maybe it’s fanciful thinking, but that really touched me; I felt that in my name, my birth mother stored her love for me, and that even though she knew she’d have to give me up, I was special to her.



The answer to what motivates me to look for my birth family is simply this: I want to let my birth mother know that I am okay. I want to meet my birth mother so she can see that I am a healthy, happy, proud mother of two with a third child on the way. I want to show her pictures of her biological grandchildren, and tell her that if she’d like we can keep in touch, I can send her pictures and videos so she can see them grow and even meet them in person one day. I want to go to Korea because I believe that not only will it heal something inside of me, but it will heal something inside my birth mother. Our reunion would be a testimony to the love and courage her fateful decision bore. And one day, I might be able to tell my sons at bedtime, the ending to the story that begins with, “Once upon a time in spring…”

The Email

Let me start from the beginning. About a week and a half ago, I got an email from G.O.A.'L (Global Overseas Adoption Link), a Korean Adoptee organization I became a member of when I lived in NYC. The subject line was, "G.O.A.'L 2013 First Trip Home Deadline Extended!" Up until that moment, I wasn't even aware of this opportunity, but in reading the email, I became intrigued. It read:

Greetings from Seoul,
At Global Overseas Adoptees’ Link we are pleased to announce the 2013 First Trip Home.

Since 2008 Global Overseas Adoptees’ Link (G.O.A.'L) have arranged First Trip Home with the aim to reunite Korean adoptees with birth families and provide a unique experience for the participants. First Trip Home is intended for adoptees that have never previously returned to Korea, and would like to do so in order to conduct a birth family search. Rather than a typical tourist tour of Korea, our First Trip Home is focused on Birth Family Search and the reunion process.

This year's First Trip Home will focus on the southernmost portion of the Korean peninsula. We will focus the search on the city of Busan and nearby provinces.

We select the First Trip Home participants based on the following criteria:
  • You have never returned to Korea since your adoption;
  • The availability of your birth family search information;
  • Whether you originate from Busan or surrounding areas.

Participants will have the opportunity to visit their adoption agency and other relevant places to their specific Birth Family Search. In cases where your birth family is not located, you will have the possibility of appearing in different Korean media to expose your story to the Korean public (most likely through the nationwide tv stations KBS or YTN).

I couldn't believe that I happened to get this email out of the blue- the timing of this trip was exactly when I was already planning a trip with my husband. We had asked my parents to watch the boys, and cleared our schedule. I fit all the parameters. It sounded like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me..would it even be possible? I forwarded it to my husband so we could discuss it; he was very supportive of it. I got the ball rolling with my application. Could this really happen?